Today, I am my own inspiration.

I was in my art room, minding my own business, cropping some photos, listening to some Disturbed…nothing out of the ordinary. And a feeling hit me, something new, something interesting, something I’m excited about. I suddenly felt a strong connection to Odin.

Odin? Who is Odin you ask?

Well…I guess I’ll back up a few…years or so and start from the beginning.
6th or 7th grade…I was at the point in my life, mentally, when I decided to question… At first, I wasn’t questioning anything specific, nothing too grand (this was the point my depression was the worst and when I started to recognize my…melancholy to be depression). When my family decided to start going to a new church, I began questioning real things. I didn’t grow up in a religious house hold, my mom grew up Catholic though so there was always the idea of God and of Jesus, even though it wasn’t always prevalent.

Every time I went along with my family to church, I felt uncomfortable, it just didn’t feel right. I asked my brother and my mom (both have read the bible thoroughly) questions all the time about Christianity and the more I learned the more it just didn’t make any sense to me. It still doesn’t and I don’t think it ever will, some of the teachings in the bible don’t mesh well with what I’ve seen around me in the world and what I’ve interpreted.

So…I, like most teens, stumbled upon wicca and paganism (directly as a result of reading the Sweep Series by Cate Tiernan The benefits of fiction are numerous, I must say). Having a religion that dealt with the Earth and the elements made sense to me, it was all around me and it centers me, why not “worship” it (I really strongly disagree with the term worship which is why I put it into quotations).

I have always been close with my mom…so I asked her what the bible thought about wicca and paganism….Now I don’t remember word for word her answer, but I remember it was an unpleasant one. It was something that made me hide my studies and eventually let them fall to the wayside and not venture any farther. About a year ago, I tried to bring up the discussion of Paganism with her again…she basically refused to discuss it and said that it was the “devils” work….this time, I haven’t let it interfere with what I’m trying to do, I’m not doing it for her (although I would love to be able to share it with her). I’m learning and growing as a person and I’m doing it for me, I’m trying to figure out more about myself and what I believe about the world, the universe, the afterlife and all of that.

So…Last September, I decided just to go for it. I began buying books and joining pagan forums and reading things. It’s still a secret, but I’m not limiting myself because of it…
We’re getting closer to my point, promise.

Last month, I went to visit my boyfriend in Pennsylvania. He took me to a pagan store. It was small, smelled great, had a shelf of books, various knick-knacks, lots of incense, and stones. There was a set of runes, sitting inside the glass case, quietly not bothering anyone but me. They were Jade and they were beautiful. I was immediately drawn to them and I had to have them. A few days later, we went back to the store and I found a book The Book of Stones by Robert Simmons and Naisha Ahsian and, because I think stones are amazing, I needed that too. But after reading the section for Jade, the runes made even more sense for me to own.

“Green Jade :
Key words: Health, abundance
Element: Earth
Chakras: Heart
Robert Simmons : Jade is a stone with a heart of healing…Green Jade is the color of grass and leaves, and it fosters wholesome and steady growth of one’s chi, or life-force energies.
Naisha Ahsian: Green Jade is a classic abundance stone….Green Jade assists one in learning to enjoy physical life. It reminds one to smell the flowers, tough someone you love, and share your abundant heart with others.”

This last line written by Naisha Ahsian struck a cord in me. While I know so well the need to enjoy life and live life to the fullest (carpe diem right?), it’s always been a hard thing for me to do. My mind is centered on productivity. Even if I just sit and paint for two hours, that’s more productive for me than to watch TV. Which, in a way is good because I don’t watch TV often, but I still don’t enjoy life itself as much as I should. I stress too much about the little things and could be out frolicking through a forest instead of sitting and stressing about next year.
I think this quote from Ahsian and the Jade really helped me to begin to truly realize things about myself, it inspired lots of writing from me (awaiting being put into my book), its opened my eyes to learning to take action, to control what I can, to stop and breath and live and enjoy!

Anyways…..

I got my beautiful runes, I finally got them home and started reading and studying them. They felt amazing in my hands and they were even more beautiful while I held them than when they were sitting on the table. I immersed myself in the Futhark runes
I wanted more…the runes and the history behind them enticed me. The whisperings of Odin in the background enticed me.
I began to look in to the religions behind the runes…I stumbled across the Nordic Asatru and Heathenism. I felt even better, I’m part Norwegian and parts of Heathenism are based on “worshiping” the past generations.
So, I bought some books. (oh how I love books!) and I read and read and I’m still reading. Currently I’m working on The Poetic Edda and the Prose Edda, the two books that contain the central myths and stories for Heathenism and Norse culture.

Odin. Probably the most popular, or most talked about god. He was shown the way of the Runes by self sacrificing himself on Yggdrasil (the world tree), while pierced by his own spear for nine days and nights. To get a drink from Mimir’s well. The well gives knowledge. Odin was made to tear out and sacrifice one of his eyes for the prince of one drink. It was the meed of poetry, inspiration and creative fire. Odin, is a god of knowledge, poetry and inspiration among other things. (there are about 150 different names for him on record, he has many roles in the Norse cultures).

To my main point? (I know it’s taken a while).
I felt…interested in Odin from the moment I read about him. I was captivated by his name when I found out he had the knowledge of the runes and gave them to the people. I didn’t outright pursue him farther, I read about him just as I read of the others (still reading).
From the beginning of my post:
I was in my art room, minding my own business, cropping some photos, listening to some Disturbed…nothing out of the ordinary. And a feeling hit me, something new, something interesting, something I’m excited about. I suddenly felt a strong connection to Odin
For one, he’s the god of poetry, I should feel an obvious connection to him, right? Well sure, but a connection shouldn’t be forced, I should try to connect with a god/goddess just because I enjoy what they are gods of, that wouldn’t make sense, it needs to come naturally, nothing should ever be forced. If it isn’t right, then it isn’t right.
I wasn’t expecting any epiphanies or new ideas today, it just happened.
I was thinking about my last blog post, about how I am forever dreaming and forever searching for more. Odin was the god of knowledge as well as the god of poetry. He did whatever he had to (tearing out an eye or being hanged for nine days) to gain that knowledge and is always on the search for more. Thinking about it, I know I am always on the search for more…more knowledge of the world and of myself.

I guess thats the point isn’t it…
To gain as much knowledge as I can. To learn everything I can, to take in all the little scraps of life and of dreams, of thoughts, of emotions and of hope I can. Here I can record my attempts, my triumphs and my failures (and sometimes the failures are really the triumphs). Here I can try to make sense of it all in my head and let others, hopefully, grow from my experiences and start to have their own.